Each week, the FIVE-STIR brings you "Confessions from a Wing Girl," from Marni Kinrys--a woman who puts her insider knowledge to good use for the betterment of all men by telling them what women REALLY want, not what they say they want.
Marni has worked with 100's of thousands of men all over the world to help them understand women so they can attract, date, seduce and get any woman they want without being a jerk. Her method, The Wing Girl Method, is based on the key principle of "You gotta turn yourself on first before any woman will ever be attracted to you". For more about Marni, click here.
Since moving to San Diego last year, I’ve been hanging out with a great group of new friends. I’ve become particularly close to one girl, Amelia, and have thought about asking her out. But, my friends say no. They say she always hurts the guys she dates, and rarely stays with them for long. She also has a reputation of dating multiple guys (and the occasional girl) at the same time. While I’m not a fan of these traits, I’m still attracted to her, and I think if she finds the right guy, she’ll settle down. Should I risk asking her out, with the hope that she won’t toss me to the curb after a few dates?
Thanks for your email and telling me about your life in San Diego. Reading through your email there was one thing that really struck me: you spend a lot of time worrying about what other people think/want and not a lot of time focusing on what will make you happy.
There are always a ton of reasons why not to do something: particularly when it comes to dating and romance. With Amelia you’re concerned that she’ll reject you (either straight away or after a long period of dating) or that she’ll cheat on you. These are reasonable concerns; but they’re also concerns that anyone could have when they’re beginning a new relationship.
The truth is: you don’t know what the future holds and what is going to happen. No one does.
What’s important here is how you feel right now; and something tells me, from reading your email, that you really want to give this a shot. So, I would. However, you may want to be prepared for a few stumbling blocks that may come your way in the process:
1. If your friends are very against this you need to tell them that you know what the ‘risks’ are and that they don’t concern you; you just want to live in the moment and see what happens. You have to come to your own conclusions about things, and while I’m sure your friends are trying to be supportive here, part of being a great man is knowing your own mind.
2. Don’t automatically expect Amelia to ‘settle down’ even if she says ‘yes’ to a date or 5 with you. Instead try to enjoy each day as it comes and let things develop naturally. Instead of focusing too far into the future about how your relationship will turn out, enjoy the dates you have week to week and see how things go. You’re going into this with open eyes, so you know that particularly in this case it’s better to have fun and play things by ear rather than expecting too much initially.
3. If you do start dating Amelia & you become uncomfortable with her behavior then you need to set some boundaries. If you want to tell her, “You know what, I like you, so I want to be with you & only you” that’s ok. You’ve then set a boundary as to what you want. She may not agree with you, but then at least you know where you stand & that you’ve been true to what you want.
Anyway, in all these points I hope you’ve noticed a theme that’s very important here: doing what you want, rather than waiting to take the lead from other people.
Follow your heart (& your gut!), keep your eyes open and you won’t go too far wrong.
Have a question for Marni? Email us and see if The Wing Girl Method might work for you.