Each week, FIVE THôT brings you "Confessions from a Wing Girl," from Marni Kinrys--a woman who puts her insider knowledge to good use for the betterment of all men by telling them what women REALLY want, not what they say they want.
Marni has worked with 100's of thousands of men all over the world to help them understand women so they can attract, date, seduce and get any woman they want without being a jerk. Her method, The Wing Girl Method, is based on the key principle of "You gotta turn yourself on first before any woman will ever be attracted to you". For more about Marni, click here.
Do you have any advice on a girlfriend that flirts with other guys and keeps in contact with exes: texts them, gets phone calls from them, touches guys -- sometimes even holds hands with them or puts her arms around them? As a result, I've seen a guy try to kiss her and one slap her on the butt. This really drives me crazy and I think it's inappropriate, but she told me I'm jealous and she's just a friendly person and has been that way all her life. I told her that while that may be true, and she means no harm by it, it really harms everyone. It makes me feel disrespected, it "weighs" her down by spreading her effort everywhere, and it hurts the guys who think she's into them because of all the attention she gives and receives from them. Ultimately, I broke up with her because of it. I loved just about everything about her, but this one, but major, detail destroyed my trust in her. Did I do right by breaking it off?
To be honest, I used to be that girl. When I first got together with my husband I was 23. I had always been friends with guys and my normal behavior was always flirty and fun with boys. We'd be out at bars and I'd start talking to other guys and I'd touch them or let them touch me, not in a sexual way but semi flirty and fun. I did this because it's what I always did and I had no underlying motives and intentions of doing anything other than have fun.
This was a point of frustration for my husband, then boyfriend. It wasn't until I had a talk with my boss who was 20 years my senior who taught me the difference between flirty and friendly and showed me that I was putting out my feminine energy and it was hurtful and inappropriate to do if I was in a relationship.
Until that conversation with her I didn't see that because I had always been like that.
So first, know that your girlfriend has no idea this is wrong and any issues you have will make her feel like she is being controlled and that you don't understand her. I know that sounds messed up but because she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong, it's how she'll feel.
What I suggest to do, is talk with her about it and tell her that you actually admire how open and friendly she is with other people. it's one of the reasons why you like her I'm sure. But then after appreciating her, you can calmly tell her how her actions make you feel and how you feel about her. Don't be defensive, or mean to her or demanding of her. Just tell her how you feel about it. Openly and honestly. And how you feel about it is that, that type of behavior is something that is now special between the two of you. You want what the two of you have to be different than what she has with other guys.
Most likely there will be a discussion and then a compromise from this and hopefully this behavior will be dialed down.
Relationships are about understanding and hearing your partners POV so hopefully she will respect where you are coming from and try to alter her behavior out of respect for you and the relationship.
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