Five Films That Should’ve Never Been Remade.

Remakes, Reboots, and Reimagining’s. These days it seems like Hollywood is basically incapable of producing original content and recycling the tried and true is the easiest way to make big bucks. Let’s take a look at some of the worst and most confounding remakes of recent filmmaking.

1) Psycho (1998)

The bizarre and murderous tale of Ed Gein has inspired fictional serial killers in films like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Silence of the Lambs, and while The Texas Chainsaw Massacre has had it’s own fair share of bad remakes, Gus Van Sant’s remake of Hitchcock’s classic makes one wonder why a studio would ever touch such a classic, but so is the case with most of the films on this list. Almost identical to the original, shot by shot, edit after edit. What. On. Earth?

2) Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)

Gene Wilder didn’t have an interest in seeing Tim Burton’s piece of candy colored vomit so why should you? I can’t help but think what sort of retelling might’ve been possible in say, the hands of someone like Across The Universe director Julie Taymor or even Chronicle’s Josh Trank, probably something more meaningful than Johnny Depp’s defamation as Mr. Wonka himself.

3) The Time Machine (2002)

Ok so it’s not like this was a terrible film by any means, however; when you’re the great-grandson of Time Machine Author H.G. Welles and sitting in the directors chair, you’d think one might stick pretty close to the source material but alas, that isn’t the case here. Starring Guy Pearce and once upon a time pop star Samantha Mumba, because she was totally a thing for a hot second, remember?

4) Dredd (2012)

Christ on a cracker this film was bad. When explaining this to a friend of mine who is studying film he countered me with your typical pretentious film student “Well what does bad even mean?” To which I informed him that bad means poorly made, or inferior or defective, and that Dredd 3D was all of the above. From the lackluster script, characters no one cares about, or the in-your-face-apparent green screen and shitty make-up effects, someone please tell me what on Earth could be good about this film.

5) Michael Bay’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 

I just threw up in my mouth a little as my fingers struck those last few keys. Seriously Michael Bay, don’t do it. Rumors began popping up that the new ninja turtles will actually be from another planet, and not mutated by secret ooze as the original story has told us from the beginning. Paramount is hoping to have this wonderfully craptastic remake all wrapped up and ready for Christmas 2013.

Image Courtesy: Citybrabus / Shutterstock

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