Jeep; Make This Truck or I Will Mess Up Your Wikipedia Page

Dear Jeep

My name is Matt, and I think I speak for all people – men and women alike but probably more guys – when I say that if you don’t mass produce the J12 pickup that you debuted in Moab, Utah last week, there will be hell to pay. I haven’t quite figured out how to force you to meet my demand, which is that you produce this automotive masterpiece. However, this is such an important matter that I’m sure that at least one of my co-concerned counterparts will know a guy who knows how to fiddle with the internet and can maybe mess with your Wikipedia page.

Be warned!

Additionally, I read somewhere that the term “jeep” was used by soldiers to describe early military trucks. So, since that name was coined by the greatest generation of American servicemen and women, whose efforts were funded by American taxpayers, technically the citizens of the US own the Jeep name (despite the likelihood that you’ve probably bought and paid for it by now  - this is bigger than that!).

The reason I am coming up with all these convincing arguments is because in building the J12 you offer us a glimpse into a world where old cars are new again. Looking at the J12* is like taking a trip to my own version of the past, where everything was simpler, and we were better for it. In that way this truck is a breath of fresh air, one that I believe many people would pay for.

Last thing. I can already see the ad campaign – the viewer is in the passenger seat while the truck drives down a dusty road driven by the legend himself, Kevin Bacon. The camera pans out the rear window over the truck bed, in it a dead Tremor limply rolls from side to side, as the J12 speeds off into the sunset. Cue voice-over guy, possibly Kevin Bacon with an indistinguishable southern accent: “The new J12. It’s from Jeep, and it’s kick ass.”

Americanly yours,

Matt Van Hoven

*(and the Dodge Challenger and the Mini Cooper, and the new VW Beetle but only from certain angles)

Editors note: Always wear your seatbelt when reading Matt Van Hoven. We do not promote or condone erroneous changes to Wikipedia pages except in a sarchastic manner and on a closed course with a professional stunt driver.

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