Are you a trendy whore?: THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE

Taste is a good thing to have. It’s good to know what you like and what you don’t like. To be able to look at things and articulate the reasoning behind your perceptions is a powerful feeling. We like what we like, and we don’t like what we don’t like.

But what if we only like what we’re told to like? Where’s the fun in that? None, if you ask me; but there are people in this world who seem to think it’s pretty awesome to be into whatever is being shoved in their face at a given moment. We call these people trendy whores. Never heard the term? Well, then you might just be a trendy whore.

I have taken the time to compile a short list of trendy-whorish traits that may or may not match up with you or someone close to you. Please take the time to review. You want to be cool, don’t you?

TRAIT #1: The only concerts you go to are music festivals.

If I were to ask you what your favorite type of music is, would you say, “everything”? Have you ever described your musical taste as, “eclectic”, “weird”, or “unique?” When you do see live music, is it more about seeing a band you like, or showing off your awesome outfit? If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, you might just be a trendy whore.

Honestly though, I don’t get it guys. Why pay $250 for a 3-day event where you end up getting too inebriated to see your favorite bands. Oh, wait. I do get it. It’s not about the music. It’s about saying you went.

TRAIT #2: The amount of hashtags on your instagram photos exceeds the amount of followers you actually have.

Hey, I’m really glad you made sure to tag the latest picture of the food you just ate with 100 different words. As if I wasn’t already annoyed enough by your lackluster contribution to a creative community,  #you #just #had #to #hash #tag #every #word #instead #of #using #actual #words, #but #hey #I #guess #YOLO.

It’s content that gets you noticed, people. Not hash tags. You’re right, going viral is equal parts luck as it is skill... but nobody in their right mind is going to congratulate you for your photography skills when they stumble across your mirror pic filed under #the.

TRAIT #3:  The “thrift” stores you shop at cost about as much as Urban Outfitters.

There is a reason they are called, “thrift” stores. It’s because everything there was donated, and can therefore be sold at a very fair price to customers who struggle financially... or are possibly looking for a deal. Here’s the thing, though: when you’re buying second hand and still not getting a very good deal, it starts to get confusing as to why you’re purchasing from a specialty store like this at all. 

Wouldn’t you just be better off buying a pair of pants that wasn’t previously pissed in by a drunken hipster at a Vampire weekend concert? Or maybe that is what makes it worth it. I dunno, if that’s what you’re into.

TRAIT #4: You always talk about how you were, “such a 90’s kid,” when you were born inside of the 90’s.

My general rule of thumb is that if you spent the majority of a decade pooping in a diaper and learning how to speak, then you aren’t really allowed to say that you were fully steeped in the culture of an era. There’s no way you were crying over Kurt Cobain’s death when there was still a Barney CD in your boombox.

I would even go so far as to say that in order to be the product of an era, you have to be attending High School during said decade. So sorry, but just because the 90’s are popular at the moment doesn’t mean you get to change your birthdate.

TRAIT #5: The first time you saw a meme was on Facebook.

Oh, look at you. You’re so nerdy. You repost pictures of funny things happening with text superimposed over the image for emphasis. You get referential humor, you maven of popular culture, you. I bet you play casual games on the iPhone and occasionally browse the frontpage of Reddit sometimes, too. OMG SUCH A NERD XD. BAZINGA.

Do you think this makes you cool? Well, god dammit, it doesn’t! We nerds have been on the cutting edge for decades, and now you all of a sudden think its cool to drink our Kool-Aid? You can’t join the personal interests – in technology, science fiction, video games, and comic books– bandwagon. HELL NO. We got years of backed knowledge on that shit. WE WILL FIND YOU. IF FOR ANYTHING JUST TO GET THE COMIC-CON PRICES BACK TO WHERE THEY USED TO BE.--

What I’m trying to say is, there is no such thing as cool. There is only the perception of what is cool, which is honestly just the things that people you consider to be cool think is cool. Yeah, say that ten times fast. Honestly, if you think ballet is fucking HARDCORE, then own that shit. I’d think you were pretty cool for having formed such an interest in something and taking the time to learn about it.

You know what’s not cool? Being wishy washy, adapting the interests of those around you to fit in, and trying too hard. That’s pretty much the opposite of cool. Seriously. Think about it. The Fonz was cool until he let everyone peer pressure him into jumping that shark. Then he was just a lifeless husk of a man who had been put on a pedestal by his peers, but I digress.

Don’t be a trendy whore. Be you, and the rest will follow.

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