FIVE THôT columnist and Editor Rocky McGredy gives us his view on the world in weekly doses.
I love this city, don’t get me wrong. I’ve been living here for a little over two years, and I like it more and more every single day. I love finding out about new shortcuts to get through the gridlock faster, or new dive bars that aren’t depressing, or new delicious food I’ve never had. When it comes to pop-culture, you can’t really beat the city lifestyle. These are the centers of commerce and innovation in any given geographical location. But of course, with any positive, there is also a negative; and even though San Francisco has a ton of perks, this lifestyle is also a magnet for clichés. Here are FIVE things that are true about San Francisco, and most likely city living in general.
1. No matter where you live, it’s always far away.
Now, I don’t mean that where you live is actually far away from anything in particular. In all honesty, you may live in a very convenient location. You know that because you LIVE THERE, but no matter what, NO MATTER WHAT, it seems that wherever your apartment is located is much ‘too far away’ for your peers to justify traveling there. “Oh, you live out there?” They’ll say, “that’s out in the boondocks.” The fact of the matter is, your friends are just lazy and don’t want to travel more than twenty-minutes by public transit.
2. Everything smells like something.
Ever since you started living here, you’ve realized that there isn’t really such thing as fresh air. On a daily basis, your internal dialogue varies from, “WOW, that smells delicious,” to, “I’m pretty sure they wash these train seats with piss.” Maybe the bakery across the street just baked some fresh pastries, or maybe the shit factory caught fire; either way, you don’t have a lot of open space for the stench to dissipate.
3. Whether it’s Flag day or Christmas, every holiday equals hell to you.
Oh man, guess what! It’s President’s Day. So, naturally that means your 8:00AM commute to work involves a super-crammed train that you can barely breath in. Oh, and everybody’s already drunk. Hell, it doesn’t even have to be a calendar-recognized holiday. It could be the “possible extinction of Llamas awareness parade,” and you would still have to wade through half-naked drunk people, because everybody, and their mother, and their brother, finds an excuse to come out to the city to be obnoxious. The city council doesn’t help either, since they seem to like to host a parade for anything and everything.
4. The overwhelming feeling that nobody around you is considerate of your existence.
Every journey by foot or car is like an obstacle course. When you walk down the street, you frequently have to dodge tourists who’ve decided to randomly stop in the middle of the sidewalk. You can’t pull out of your driveway in the morning because somebody has parked in front of you temporarily. Wait, it’s all good– they put their hazard lights on. Who am I kidding, you live in the city. You don’t have a driveway.
5. Your apartment is probably half the size it should be, and twice the price.
I mean, let’s be honest. Paying $700 dollars to live in a place with roommates is a “steal” when it comes to city living. When you were looking for a place, you had a set price, but you had to adjust that set price because everything costs way more. You live paycheck to paycheck, hoping to make a little surplus here or there, but most of the time you’re just flat broke. Who cares? You’re an urbanite. They would kill to be you. You’ve thought about not living in the city so you can get a break on rent, but then you’re exiled from all the cool stuff going on in the city. Even though you’d rather gnaw off your own arm than go to the St. Patty’s day parade.
Despite some of the headaches that come with living here, at least I’m not bored.
San Francisco image courtesy of Shutterstock