Guest Author Mason Matthews is a lover of movies, history, politics, comedy, travel, pizza, and in a twisted way--the Super Bowl.
In 2012, over 111 million Americans tuned in to watch Super Bowl XLVI, the most viewed television event in the history of human civilization. That mind boggling number of viewers (which was nearly double the amount that tuned in to watch the first presidential debate between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney) is expected to expand during Super Bowl XLVII in a grandiose showdown/Family Feud between the San Francisco 49ers and Baltimore Ravens, whose head coaches Jim and John Harbaugh just so happen to be brothers. However, if you’re a young 20-something who is too cool and/or broke to have cable television in their household, or you were the artsy type back in high school who never quite caught on to the gladiator consumer culture of American football and pretends to care about professional sports due to the fear of being excommunicated from the Church of Manhood, here are a few alternative ideas to make this Super Bowl Sunday memorable.
1) Don't Fake It
Growing up, my fondest Super Bowl memories weren’t the actual games themselves, but rather the fact that my family and friends would all gather together that Sunday with a good ol’ fashioned sense community where everybody made different delicious and innutritious dishes that we fondly shared in a smorgasbord type feast with one another. For those of you hiding out there pretending to actually care about the game, why not ditch the Super Bowl and your 150 inch LED 3D television altogether and instead organize a picnic at a local park to feast on Americana type foods with your loved ones in the scenic pleasures of the outdoors? (Note: This may not be a viable option for readers living in colder regions of the country such as North Dakota, but there’s only like 15 people who live in North Dakota anyways so the number of affected readers is negligible)
2) Don't Watch It, Play It
The only thing more American than sitting down on the couch pounding back brewskies while watching Football is actually playing the sport itself. While you’re outside feasting on Dorito’s and Little Smokies with the guys, you can even burn off a few calories by playing your own lil’ version of the Super Bowl with your friends and family! Football conveniently has different variations of the game available depending on your crew’s equipment and physical abilities, including the traditional tackle based version of the game as well as flag football, two hand touch, or even Rugby for all you British blokes out there.
3) Want hilarious Super Bowl ads? Go to YouTube!
Many people claim that they only watch the big game because of the funny high concept commercials aired during it. These individuals are no better you’re your co-worker who watches American Idol, but only because the contestants auditioning for the show “are so freakin’ bad, it’s hilarious, bro!” According to the New York Times, the average American is already exposed to nearly 5,000 advertisements a day. That is a staggering amount of companies attempting to take the money that I’m already far too willing to waste on their name brand deodorants and light beers. If you’re looking for laughs without a clear “LOOK WE MADE A FUNNY, NOW BUY OUR SHIT” motive behind the jokes, look up a stand-up comedy show or open mic in your area and take the person you’re currently dating or are interested in out for a night of LOL’s. Plus, if you really want to check out the commercials that your friends will inevitably be talking about the next day, just look them up on YouTube. It’s 2013, you have the all encompassing power of the internet at your fingertips.
4) Halftime Show? Why Not a Fulltime Show?
In addition to the commercials, people who aren’t typically into football will tune in to watch the game for the halftime show. Believe it or not, the companies airing the Super Bowl create these over-the-top spectacle in order to expand the television event to broader audiences by bringing in big name artists such as The Black Eyed Peas and Janet Jackson’s breast because they know that not everybody out there actually cares about football. Instead of debating with your friends about whether or not Beyoncé is lip-syncing in her performance on Sunday, try looking up a local concert in your area and enjoy the evening with your fellow liberal arts major friends.
5) If You Can’t Beat ‘em, Join ‘em.
Assuming that your closest friends and family members actually do care about the game, which I suppose is a plausible scenario, especially for those such as myself living in Northern California, why not turn the testosterone injected spectacle into an epic drinking game of the times? Suggested cues for brews may include, yet are not limited to, touchdowns, Bud Light or Doritos commercials, commentary related to Beyoncé and lip-syncing, coaches clenching their hats while yelling into microphones and anytime the announcer’s use the words “historic”, “legendary” or “legacy”.
Regardless of what you decide to do on Super Bowl Sunday this year, try and make the most of it, and please remember to play safe while getting yo’ America on responsibly.