No unicorns were harmed in the making of this press release

I received this press release today, and could not help but post it as-is, rather than add commentary. I hope you will enjoy its creativity, and disruptive approach, as much as I did.

This is the press release every reporter hates.

It’s not earth-shattering news spouted from a celebrity spokesperson from a company that is a fruit. Nor is it the story of a teen-age entrepreneur with a billion dollar start-up valuation. No, alas, this is simply a press release from an ambitious web agency located in the duck decoy capital of the world, Havre de Grace, Maryland.

Thankfully, this isn’t for the reporters.

This press release is for you, the embattled marketers out there. The over-worked, brain-on-25-hours-a-day VP of something-or-other whose job it is to make marketing magic. We know that if marketing does their job, that makes it easier for sales, and if sales is happy, well, unicorns* for everyone!

There are bullet points below, though, in case reporters** are reading.

You could call Web Ad.vantage a marketing agency that specializes in online media buying, search marketing and social media tactics, but that wouldn’t be the full story. What Web Ad.vantage does better than anyone else (and has for more than 13 years) is straight-up digital advertising and marketing. This is to announce the launch of the F.I.E.R.C.E. Assessment:

Ferocious Intelligence Evaluation Report & Competitive Emarketing Assessment

Ferocious: Is this you? How much market share do you want?
Intelligence: We help you develop business intelligence.
Evaluation: What’s working? What isn’t? Why are you still doing what isn’t working?
Report: Tables and charts can be interesting if they’re reporting success in the right metrics.
Competitive: You again. Our clients are definitely ‘hungry’ and ready to swallow the competition whole. Or nibble in pieces, tastes vary.
Emarketing: It’s a fight for eyeballs and action. How hard are you fighting?

In other words, Web Ad.vantage helps you translate what you’re doing into data you can use: a digital marketing SWOT analysis, a competitive readiness of your site compared to two of your key competitors, and a tactical checklist that reveals your level of preparedness. You need to get F.I.E.R.C.E. because marketing statistics are really quite dismal:

•    Only 10.5 percent of CMOs say social marketing efforts are effectively integrated into their overall marketing strategy (MarketingProfs)
•    CMOs want to be pushed but only three percent say their agencies are leading the charge for innovation (The Horn Group)
•    Only six percent of business are doing any type of mobile marketing (Hubspot) even though mobile advertising is four-to-five times more effective than online advertising (InsightExpress)
“This is a crazy press release, but I’m going to go with it” says Hollis Thomases, Web Ad.vantage CEO and President. “We went out on a limb putting this program together, but we did so knowing there are more and more marketers every day that need this kind of help. It’s not about maintaining ‘top of mind awareness’ anymore. Our clients want not only their market share, but their competitors’ as well. We’re here to help them get that with the right tools, expertise, and most importantly - advocate, guiding their web marketing efforts.”

So if your job is VP-of-something-or-other (Marketing, Strategy, Social Media, Fill in the Blank) please raise your hand and we’ll call on you next. (Well, we really prefer that you go to to learn more about our F.I.E.R.C.E. Assessment, but you can also email us as well:

*No unicorns were harmed in the making of this press release.
** Hi, you know we love you!

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