It all started a few weeks ago, when I was thinking of what to write for THE FIVE. There was a story I’d wanted to tell for some time, but wasn’t sure the world was ready for it. Then, in a moment of courage, I put fingers to keyboard and banged it out. The result was a story on wet wipes, and my arrival at the decision to forever be an evangelist in the church of the holy chemical-soaked towelette. I thought that was the end of the story, until I got a call from Swipes.
Allow me to explain.
You may not know -- there is a product that does basically the same thing as the wet wipe, but bills itself as something more. Swipes Lovin Wipes, as I would come to learn, are the cleaning product you use just before getting intimate. Yes, this exists, and you can buy it.
The Swipes people (by the way, I don’t believe Swipes = sex + wipes, but maybe?) have a nice way of discussing all this, but we don’t have that kind of time. Instead, below you will find the answer to your every sex wipe question from my Q&A session with the fine folks over there, since you undoubtedly want to know more about this product.
Oh and if you think wet wipes are a fad, consider that Cottonelle just launched a campaign pairing their wet wipes with their toilet paper. So, at least one brand sees an opportunity to push wet wipes into the hearts and minds of America’s clean-seekers, and is putting their money…into growing a business on the notion that people like clean genitals. With no further avoidance, here’s a bunch of answers to questions you never knew you had about sex wipes.
ME: It seems like men are not supposed to use wet wipes and in fact, should use tree bark and stop complaining. Why aren't there wipes for men?
SWIPES: We really made the effort to keep men in mind for this product. Why shouldn’t they feel sexy and clean too? I think men want these products, they want to feel good and we want to make sure they know there is nothing to be embarrassed about. I even have a testimonial from a man that wrote to me and said we had saved his marriage because his wife was no longer afraid to, “go down there.”
ME: This conversation just went from awkward to 50 Shades of Grey. Ohh, maybe you can cross promote with the book! I heard they sold 10 million copies of the trilogy. That’s a lot of wipe sales, if ya know what I mean. Is it true that one wet wipe goes further than the average wad of toilet paper?
SWIPES: SLW took the extra step to be eco friendly… We are even Leaping Bunny approved, despite the cute name they have rigorous screening process that verified that we don’t test on animals. Every hurdle we jumped was well worth the end result which is a product I can stand behind and use myself.
ME: Socially responsible and makes sex better. I can’t really think of anything that would make this product more awesome. Here’s a question only a lady can answer: is it socially acceptable for a woman to pull out a thing of wet wipes in the ladies room? Like, you're standing there fixing your hair or whatever and you realize you've got some extra mascara on. Is a wet wipe going to fix that or is it too embarrassing to reveal your stash of Swipes?
SWIPES: Absolutely, in fact I often get asked if I have more, or where I get them. The packaging is discreet enough, that even if you bought it at the store (since it is now carried at Walgreens) you wouldn’t have to be embarrassed at the check-out. I keep some in my purse, night stand drawer, on top of the toilet, and in the glove compartment (it is hot here in FL and sometimes you just want to freshen up, before a meeting, after a workout, before happy hour, or a quickie in the car…)
ME: A quickie in the car? In Florida? In New York City we call that Bikram Yoga. Btw I notice that after a couple of weeks, the tub-o-wipes can dry out. Is this a devious marketing tactic aimed at getting me to buy more wipes or just bad packaging?
SWIPES: I find that the larger wipe counts dry out faster because it takes longer to go through them. Our 42 count pack is a perfect use amount that keeps the pack small enough to travel with (kind of difficult to carry around those tubs).
ME: Indeed. 42 does seem like a good number. That’s 6 weeks of shiny freshness, which leads into my next point - I believe that a cleaner behind leads to a happier life. Your thoughts? Maybe we could send some to the world's angriest leaders and achieve world peace that way…
SWIPES: It really is all about life’s small pleasures...Whether its signing a peace treaty of feeling frisky with your partner we should all make love, not war.
ME: I’m starting to think a wet wipe that promotes more sex is going to win over Americans faster than one meant to clean your bum. OK that’s all I can do on sex wipes right now. Thanks for your time on this!
SWIPES: It was my pleasure, thank you for sharing the “lovin.”
Author Matt Van Hoven is a journalist best known for his dry wit and giving the advertising industry a swift kick in the tail, for two years straight.